bosses

Out of office Boss equals RELIEF!

My boss has been out for the past three weeks on vacation. During this time: I have been able to complete all of my work each day; I have learned more from ferreting out information from other staff than I have ever learned from my boss; I'm not waking up at 2 am (and staying awake) to stress about all the crap she dumps on me; I've been able to eat lunch (still eating at my desk although I did have a couple of lunches out of the office) without getting indigestion; I'm drinking less at night to forget about the day; I'm smoking less; I actually feel good when I leave work each night. All in all, my boss's absence has improved my health. Thinking of her impending return on Thursday is reminiscent of the scenes in Bram Stoker's Dracula when the train is blurting through that blood-red landscape towards impending doom. (She's returning to suck the life out of me!) Luckily, my weeklong "staycation" begins next week so I'll only have to cope with her for two days before I get a reprieve. Sad thing is I'll have to listen to her stories of her fabulous Hawaii vacation for two days. If only her plane would crash like Oceanic Flight 815!

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Hitler

My old boss always one-upped people, and was telling a story about her dead mother, and how she found all these interesting things in her mother's house when they were clearing it out. Human Resources told me I should try to find a way to relate to her, so I said, "Oh, interesting! Always great to find links to history. Once, I found pictures of my grandparents marching with Mahatma Gandhi in the freedom movement." Her response? "Well that's exactly like when I found my mother's swastika armband from her time in Germany. She really loved it there."
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This is a test

this is a test
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My PC Boss

My Asian Boss to my African co-worker: "You don't look good in a beard, you're too dark." Do I have to cringe everytime I have lunch with my boss? Yes.
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Bosses suck

My boss asked me to do something for him that I didn't know how to do. I asked a few preliminary questions before getting the response, "I'm gonna need you to take your brain off vacation mode and help me out here." No problem, I stop asking questions and start to do the job the way I assume he wants it done. When I finally finish in double the amount of time it should have taken, had I been given guidance, I give him the results and he says, "Okay. I didn't need all of this. I only wanted this one part. If you're confused about things or unclear at all, please just ask me questions. There's no point in wasting my time here." So when I ask questions, I'm an idiot. When I don't, I'm an idiot. I hate my 9-5.
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