boss

Bengay, Inc.

The average age of employees at my office is 55 years - old. I’m 25 years - old. The office reeks of bengay and typical water cooler conversation is about arthritis or grandchildren. To make matters worse my boss is a cougar and is constantly attempting to seduce me.

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

7 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boss

Link: 7 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boss

  1. “That’s not my job.” - Remember that doing what’s asked of you, even tasks outside your job description, is good karma.

  2. “It’s not my problem.” - Pitch in and try to help. Because, ultimately, a problem in the workplace is everyone’s problem. We’re all in it together.

  3. “It’s not my fault.” - Claiming that something is not our fault often has the result of making people suspect it is. The real issue is that something went wrong and needs to be fixed, not who is to blame.

  4. “I can only do one thing at a time.” - We all feel overworked and pressured nowadays. Complaining about it will not make your boss feel sorry for you or go easier on you.

  5. “I am way overqualified for this job.” - Maybe you are, but the fact is, this is the job you have and complaining that it’s beneath you only makes you look bad. Bosses will not think, “Oh, this is a superior person whom I need to promote.” Nope, they’ll think, “What a jerk.”

  6. “This job is easy! Anyone could do it!” - If a task is simple, be glad and do it as quickly as you can. Even “stupid” work needs to get done.

  7. “It can’t be done.” - Even if what is being suggested truly is impossible, saying it is can make you look ineffectual or incapable. Search for doable ways of solving that problem or reaching that goal.

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

My name is…

I’ve worked at my office for 4 years. My name is Kristen. My boss calls me Kelly.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

She’s a Cancer

My boss is a bitch. Despite this I was sadden to learn she was going to die. One day in the elevator I overheard two employees say she was “changeable and moody because of her cancer”. I decided to stupidly ask about her current health status and offer my condolences. After a confusing conversation and me re-hashing the elevator incident I realized my boss is not dying. Her zodiac sign is cancer.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

The Unemployed

I’ve been trying to get fired and live in the sweet land of unemployment for the last year. Last week I learned our operating budget was being cut in half and my dream was close to fruition. But then suddenly my boss resigned. Her resignation secured my employment.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Suck it

Today I muttered “suck it” under my breath to my boss. She heard me and replied “the only that sucks around here is you”.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Pork Rinds

I swear 95% of my co-workers are vegetarian. Our cafeteria is filled with granola & salads. Once a month we have "brown bag" meetings. To piss off my vegan boss I bring bar-b-que ribs or pork rinds for lunch.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Shithead Remarks

Today I was complaining via email about how awful my boss is. I sent a long ranting message filled with fucks and “he’s a complete shithead” remarks to my boyfriend, along with 75 work colleagues and several clients. I have a mandatory meeting with HR after the New Year.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Be Assertive

After being blatantly overlooked for a promotion I finally gave my boss a piece of my mind. I called him incompetent and grossly unprofessional in the workplace. His response “Where was all this assertiveness 6 months ago. Now I have to fire you.”
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Pay Raise

My boss told me I was getting a HUGE raise and in my excitement I purchased a roundtrip ticket to Ocho Rios, Jamaica on my credit card . The next day HR told me he made a terrible mistake…the raise was for my supervisor.
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Hot Chocolate

My boss ridicules me for enjoying hot chocolate instead of hot coffee during our morning staff meeting. Before I make a statement he’ll smirk and ask, “How’s your coco?”
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

Where is my stapler?

My boss is going through a divorce and has moved half of her belongings out of her former house and is storing them in her office. Guess whose office she’s using in the interim...
Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email