I Hate My 9 to 5 » Horror Stories

Fakebook

admin — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 04:52:09 +0000

Dear Co-worker, Facebook is my escape from the mundane, BS, going nowhere fast stench of our workplace. Yes, though we absolutely do not speak, I confirmed you as "a friend", but let's be honest, did I really want to do that? *Cue privacy settings.

The only sentence not bolded was highlighted

Anonymous — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 19:05:57 +0000

Hi Everyone,

Attached is the schedule for tomorrow. I will be sending the remaining schedule out late Monday evening due to many last minute requests for time off. REQUESTS FOR TIME OFF ARE GRANTED ON A FIRST COME FIRST SERVE BASIS. Please note that between our 3 restaurants. I have had over 14 servers ask off for Friday night/Saturday night this upcoming weekend - thus I am not going to be able to accommodate all requests. Please be aware that you could be scheduled even though you may have requested off. I have asked that people provide me notice of any critical summer plans they may have in order to ensure I have the appropriate level of staffs thus any family reunions, family vacations, weddings, graduations etc. should be requested at least 2 weeks ahead of time, not just days before the weekly schedule comes out (as these plans are usually already set ahead of time).

Please note if you are scheduled for a shift you will need to fulfill your job requirement or figure out some way to find coverage. Failure to show up for your shift may result in termination. Larry and I are both more than flexible, however we have found that many of you do not want to work weekend shifts or evenings, which is the heaviest parts of the week in the restaurant business. If regular weekends or evenings off are important to you then you need to consider another field of work, or part time work elsewhere. We need to hire people that can work on weekends and evenings on a regular basis.

Please note that you are subject to losing all of your shifts with us if your availability becomes too limited vs. our scheduling needs. It is really the only way the business can survive, so we have no choice but to staff a team that is going to be available on a consistent and regular basis. Thank you for your understanding.

Thanks,

Out of office Boss equals RELIEF!

admin — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 21:04:29 +0000

My boss has been out for the past three weeks on vacation. During this time: I have been able to complete all of my work each day; I have learned more from ferreting out information from other staff than I have ever learned from my boss; I'm not waking up at 2 am (and staying awake) to stress about all the crap she dumps on me; I've been able to eat lunch (still eating at my desk although I did have a couple of lunches out of the office) without getting indigestion; I'm drinking less at night to forget about the day; I'm smoking less; I actually feel good when I leave work each night. All in all, my boss's absence has improved my health. Thinking of her impending return on Thursday is reminiscent of the scenes in Bram Stoker's Dracula when the train is blurting through that blood-red landscape towards impending doom. (She's returning to suck the life out of me!) Luckily, my weeklong "staycation" begins next week so I'll only have to cope with her for two days before I get a reprieve. Sad thing is I'll have to listen to her stories of her fabulous Hawaii vacation for two days. If only her plane would crash like Oceanic Flight 815!

King Cake be the death of my boss

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:56:51 +0000

So my VERY first day working was coincidentally on Fat Tuesday, and one of our vendors had brought in a King Cake. Sometime in the afternoon, I approached my ghetto manager and she made a comment about not having had a piece of cake yet. I joked and said she was better than me, who had had 2-3 pieces already. She later said "I'd die if I ate that" to which I still laughed because I thought she was being funny. She immediately said "No, really...I could go into a diabetic coma and die right now". Welcome to the Company.

Summer Interns a.k.a Dishwashers

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 16:57:23 +0000

Yesterday I found out that I was getting paid wayyyy less than I thought I was hired for. As I'm on the phone with my mom ranting about being underpaid, my boss runs out of her office, hands me her lunch tupperware and goes, "I don't usually ask these favors but can you please wash this out for me? I'm in a rush." ... Hmmm, bad timing or someone in this office has is out for me.

Taking Anal-Retentive to the 17th Level

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 05:08:58 +0000

My family own a small jewelry business that has been around for almost 60 years. We obviously have many long-time resident customers who return for repeat work. Considering I have only worked at the store for a few years, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting many of these customers...until this past week. One woman, whom all my co-workers have had to deal with in the past, is legitimately the most obsessive compulsive control freak I have ever encountered. A simple wedding present purchase turned into a 3-week long back and forth ordeal, requiring multiple phone calls, visits, rehashing of previously given information and 17 pages worth of note-taking on her part. If I had coughed mid-sentence, she would have written that down too. The best part? She looks forward to working with me again.

Spreadsheet Torture

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 04:50:21 +0000

Today my boss called me to go over and pick apart a simple spreadsheet I had created line by line just to make me feel stupid. She asked me questions that she knew I knew the answers to. I hate her.

When Interns Party Too Hard …

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 22:11:44 +0000

Email from our unpaid intern ...

"Hey man to be honest with you I partied too much this past weekend and I got sick. I'm feeling like shit. I don't think I'll make it in tomorrow, but I should definitely be feeling better by Thursday. Hope all is well.."

Not Optional

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 21:51:56 +0000

Today, the admin at my office sent out an e-mail about Memorial Day. At the end, she signed it with "This is NOT an optional holiday. Enjoy the weekend!" I kind of like my 9to5 today?

Boob Grabbing Boss

Anonymous — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:33:03 +0000

My boss is a complete douche and on the verge of a sexual harassment suit. He finds it acceptable to call me (and other women in the office) “board” or “toots”. Yesterday he "accidentally" touched my breasts in a room full of people. (He said he was attempting to fix my lapel.) My frustration is growing daily. I would quit but I desperately need this shitty job so I put up with his sexual assaults and stupidity.

Bengay, Inc.

Anonymous — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:09:50 +0000

The average age of employees at my office is 55 years - old. I’m 25 years - old. The office reeks of bengay and typical water cooler conversation is about arthritis or grandchildren. To make matters worse my boss is a cougar and is constantly attempting to seduce me.

Wilderness Staff Retreats

Anonymous — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:02:19 +0000

Last year on our staff retreat we went camping in the middle of nowhere. For three days we were inside watching powerpoint presentations and doing team building exercises. On the last day as I was literally walking to the car and I stepped in poison ivy. I had a terrible allergic reaction and had to use several sick days to recover. I also didn’t have insurance. This year my company is scheduling another retreat. I’m trying to figure how to avoid attending.

My office receptionist is a psychic-loving Aries

Anonymous — Mon, 17 May 2010 18:54:31 +0000

At our front desk sits an Aries receptionist named Nikki. Daily during lunch she reads staff birthday horoscopes over the office intercom system. She also claims to be a psychic.

Is this the Titanic?

Anonymous — Fri, 14 May 2010 20:56:22 +0000

In the span of 5 months, we have lost 5 employees. All of them quit! We're not even a large organization...only 25 full-time employees when we were fully staffed. Our Captain may want to go down with the ship, but I'll tell you right now, I'm on the first available life-boat outta here!

P.S. Did I mention that I'm one of the 5 no longer working here.

This Sucks

admin — Sat, 08 May 2010 10:00:19 +0000

I have to work on Saturday

Let’s stress professionalism

Anonymous — Tue, 04 May 2010 16:50:34 +0000

My boss was crying in her office today and if anyone went in, she just sobbed in front of them. Then she went home at noon because she was "too emotional."

Meat Sweats

admin — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 22:36:08 +0000

Today my boss sent me an email with the subject line "Man vs. Food." Inside the email was a message reading "My husband got the Meat Sweets from this, with an attached picture of a ginormous burrito.

I replied with the message "Cool burrito".

Powerpoint

admin — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 17:51:05 +0000

My boss was giving a lecture on how to make a give a good Powerpoint presentation.

I created the WHOLE Powerpoint presentation, effectively teaching the teacher how to give a Powerpoint presentation!

Ironing

admin — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 17:49:21 +0000

My boss made me cry over not ironing properly. Yes...I can officially say that I've cried over ironing. Quite an achievement!

Dog Farts

admin — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:54:20 +0000

We have a office dog...who farts all day long. I'm getting tired of this shit! Literally.

The Golden Rule

admin — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:52:53 +0000

I work in sales for a small construction materials company. I come from a tech sales background and have turned things from a fingers crossed environment to a seek and destroy, create pipeline and forecast model. Needless to say sales are up. Commission however is hard to come by and my boss is always slow paying his bills. (Sucks to be him actually, his customers consistently slow pay him.) My base pay gets paid like clockwork. However my pre-negotiated, target based commission gets paid whenever they feel like it. My mortgage is due, my pool needs to be open, my car needs tags and I can't get paid. Would love to walk if I wouldn't be Brooklyn in three months. In conclusion, my boss is a church going deacon who lives by the golden rule. Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Office Supplies

admin — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 20:38:01 +0000

My office is going through a budget crisis, so they stopped buying office supplies. I have to bring my own office supplies to work.

Business Cards

admin — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:41:20 +0000

I have to pay for my own business cards.

My Boss Is Sick Today

admin — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 20:21:27 +0000

My boss is sick today. She’s been running to the restroom like Jamie Lee Curtis after eating a washtub of Activia. I know it’s evil, but this makes me happy.

My boss doesn’t speak to me…except in nasty memos

admin — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 19:24:27 +0000

My boss doesn't speak to me. He doesn't even email me. He has his secretary send me memos. They usually involve a rule I failed to follow, like turning something in by COB. (Except I almost always did.) So then I have to send a memo back telling him I did do whatever he said I failed to do. My office has eleven people in it. His office is two doors down from mine. But this is how we communicate.

MY OFFICE SHOULD B IN A SOAP OPERA

admin — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:20:20 +0000

I hate this job, but I'm grateful to have one. The people that I work with I think were put here for pure comedy. I've had two different supervisors in the past eight months. The supervisor that I have now, does not kno her job. She was just working in the Library in the Archives. So how does that qualify you to be a manager or a supervisor. She has a crush on the my original supervisor, who is totally in love with me. Before she became my supervisor, which I think was her ploy all along to get me away from him, she used to get upset or find ways to come into the house when were having a meeting. Always acted like it was important. I had a feeling that she liked him or they were seeing each other when I started working there. She always had an attitude when she saw us talking. I used to ask the original Supervisor were they seeing each other because they way asks towards you and around you, say that you have dipped your cookies in that milk. He kept denying it, saying that she just had a crush on him and he didn't know why she acted the way she did. Still skeptical, I left it alone for a while. We had a reception at our job in November, I had to go to my original supervisor office for something. As I approached his doorway, what did I see. The two of them embracing and kissing. When they saw/heard me they tried to separate and act like they were jus talking, but the the origianl supervisor had lipstick on his lips. Busted. So I ride him about it everyday. Now my new supervisor has a pet. Her little pet is always snitching and running and telling everything she see and hear. We are not allowed to wear jeans to work, so the other day the pet comes in in jeans. So I bought it to my supervisors's attention because she was complaining about how high my heels were. She got mad because I bought it up that I had to have a meeting with her and the higher ups about me complaining. I said why am I in this meeting because you want us to follow the policy and procedures of the handbook, and the handbook clearly states that no jeans are to be worn. So if you want us to follow the rules make sure they apply to everyone and not just certain people in the office or don't make rules at all.

Routine Cubicle Nap

admin — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 06:09:22 +0000

Exactly at 2pm, I place one hand on my keyboard, one hand on the mouse, skillfully position my head and take a nice half hour nap in my cubicle. Most days, I wake up and my screen saver on...I'm sure some passing by has witnessed this very natural activity.

Spring Break

admin — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 06:06:41 +0000

I work at a school as a secretary. Come in early, stay late, every day, and no overtime. One of the true benefits that keep me working for low pay is spring break. However, this year the principal informed me and 2 other unlucky people that they were required to come in regular hours to help "support" admin with assignments while the teachers, students, and every other administrator is out on vacation. As teachers and admin trickled in and out at their leisure, each gave a variation of what THEIR plans were during the break and followed the stories of beaches and relaxation with: "So how are you enjoying your break?" SMFH, SMFH.

i love my job

admin — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 22:12:18 +0000

instead of bitching about your job why don't you go out and find a good one- lazy ass

Birthday Blues

admin — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 19:07:21 +0000

My boss yelled at me on my birthday, she told me I was unprofessional, had no attention for details and was worse than her 16 year old son.