The last couple of weeks have been filled with mantras and maximum amounts of self-love. On occasion this works… I do my best not to jump off bridges when I’m feeling rejected, ignored or a tad light-hearted. Luckily, positive Twitter quotes work wonders for me. The result of my “inward journey” thus far is enriching. The primary achievement is improving my ability to use my mind mindfully and purposefully. Most importantly I’m learning what motivates my actions. Money is not my primary objective. Clearly, I’m poor and semi-employed.

Last week I stumbled upon this: “What motivates us to do great work?”

Summed up the article provided insight on what inspires strong work ethic & results for creative types. And it’s not money people. It’s PROGRESS.

"What really gets creatives fired up is, well, ourselves. That is, intrinsic motivation. If we can imagine an achievement, see ourselves progressing toward that goal, and understand that we are gaining new skills and knowledge, we will be driven to do great work."

At this pivotal point in my life I’m ALL about self-motivation. STOP READING AND WATCH THIS: Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation.

Dan Pink is the author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Pink examines the three elements of true motivation—autonomy, mastery, and purpose—and offers smart and surprising techniques for putting these into action. As you consider your aspirations reflect on the following:

What’s your motivation for getting out of bed each day - Is it a paycheck or a greater sense of purpose?

Whatever your intrinsic motivation FIND IT - USE IT - AND GROW. This lesson is vital whether you're painting masterpieces or working on Wall Street...because no matter what your profession we all need a worthwhile incentive. I may even consider becoming a motivational speaker. Ponder. Okay maybe not...

Signed your #1 motivator,

Glo

Image via Natalie Dee

Working is a necessary evil required by all who enter the world - with the exception of the "silver spoon in mouth" society and lotto winners EVERYONE ELSE is pretty much screwed.

Since I failed to acquire a huge inheritance (damn you Paris Hilton!) I’m forced to do hard labor. As I move stealthily into my (late) twenties the realization of “What’s my purpose?” is daunting. My friends are getting married in droves, popping out babies and 401Ks. I’m resolved that I’d like to either continue my drinking problem or experiment with pill popping and/or ecstasy. Do not judge me. It’s my quiet reality.

After much consideration, plentiful savings and unsuccessful attempts at marrying old men - I QUIT MY JOB.

The economy is awful you yell while shaking your head in disgust. I KNOW, I KNOW. Such a ridiculous thing to do in tragic times like these. However my response is fairly simple. I HATED MY JOB. My dismay was eating my alive. The idiotic tasks. The ridiculous people. Sigh. I was verrryyyyy unhappy.

These are not reasons to quit your job my immigrant father has told me…and perhaps you agree. But honestly, I don’t give a fuck. For me every single workday was absolute torture.

From 9 to 5 I was trapped inside of a cloffice with no sunlight AND I was working thru my lunch break everyday AND I was developing halitosis. To make matters worst, my boss cackled when she laughed (evil witch style) and my “colleagues” barely knew how to check their voicemails. I was over being miserable. So I quit.

Recently, I read the New York Times article, What Is It About 20-Somethings?

I said, yes, yes YES – that’s meeeeeeee! I’m twentysomething searching for the meaning of life (along with a plethora of sexual experiences) and most times I’m confused. Adulthood seems bland. Which way should I go???  I just know the mini-van path is nowhere in sight.

So what’s my plan? I don’t have one. I know I’d like to become an “artist”. Or at the very least live my life "The Artist's Way". Whether you think the notion is ridiculous or not, I’m making a public declaration. It’s even more confusing since I don’t have a medium (also insert the word talent). I can’t draw, sing, act or play the fiddle. I can’t quote art historians. I know nothing of art theory. I even learned the word docent on accident. Nonetheless, I’m trading my 9 to 5 lifestyle in order to fully discover my creative self.

Fortunately, I’m surrounded by people that make art their life - writers, musicians, designers, painters and photographers. I intend to study their habits, do yoga, listen to classical music and discover what really makes me happy (besides a paycheck). Over the next year I plan to learn a new thing every month. Acting Classes. Golf Lessons. Conversational French. Archery. Ballet. With each experience I plan to tap into my own creativity. I figure something should change in my life. Why not start now…

Hunter is 1 of my fav writers ever -- I like to pretend we'd drink wildly together and have a unspoken love affair. Unlikely but a girl can dream.

This cover letter is classic Hunter S. Thompson:

TO JACK SCOTT, VANCOUVER SUN

October 1, 1958 57 Perry Street New York City

Sir,

I got a hell of a kick reading the piece Time magazine did this week on The Sun. In addition to wishing you the best of luck, I'd also like to offer my services.

Since I haven't seen a copy of the "new" Sun yet, I'll have to make this a tentative offer. I stepped into a dung-hole the last time I took a job with a paper I didn't know anything about (see enclosed clippings) and I'm not quite ready to go charging up another blind alley.

By the time you get this letter, I'll have gotten hold of some of the recent issues of The Sun. Unless it looks totally worthless, I'll let my offer stand. And don't think that my arrogance is unintentional: it's just that I'd rather offend you now than after I started working for you.

I didn't make myself clear to the last man I worked for until after I took the job. It was as if the Marquis de Sade had suddenly found himself working for Billy Graham. The man despised me, of course, and I had nothing but contempt for him and everything he stood for. If you asked him, he'd tell you that I'm "not very likable, (that I) hate people, (that I) just want to be left alone, and (that I) feel too superior to mingle with the average person." (That's a direct quote from a memo he sent to the publisher.)

Nothing beats having good references.

Of course if you asked some of the other people I've worked for, you'd get a different set of answers.

If you're interested enough to answer this letter, I'll be glad to furnish you with a list of references — including the lad I work for now.

The enclosed clippings should give you a rough idea of who I am. It's a year old, however, and I've changed a bit since it was written. I've taken some writing courses from Columbia in my spare time, learned a hell of a lot about the newspaper business, and developed a healthy contempt for journalism as a profession.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a damned shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as journalism should be overrun with dullards, bums, and hacks, hag-ridden with myopia, apathy, and complacence, and generally stuck in a bog of stagnant mediocrity. If this is what you're trying to get The Sun away from, then I think I'd like to work for you.

Most of my experience has been in sports writing, but I can write everything from warmongering propaganda to learned book reviews.

I can work 25 hours a day if necessary, live on any reasonable salary, and don't give a black damn for job security, office politics, or adverse public relations.

I would rather be on the dole than work for a paper I was ashamed of.

It's a long way from here to British Columbia, but I think I'd enjoy the trip.

If you think you can use me, drop me a line.

If not, good luck anyway.

Sincerely,
Hunter S. Thompson

Source: Ottawa Citizen

Every boy's dream inbox.

Why in earth CNN Anchor Rick Sanchez thought was okay to talk shit about Jon Stewart and his people I have no freaking clue.

Rick is officially our FIRED person of the day.

Of course Jon made a special (hilarious) video for dedicated to him as well.

WATCH: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/fri-october-1-2010/recap---week-of-9-27-10?xrs=share_copy

According to a new survey of around 100 human resources professionals conducted by outplacement company Challenger, Gray & Christmas, a majority of human resources departments don't think it's a big deal when workers manage their fantasy football teams online while at work. Around 54% of HR departments said they don't care if workers engage in fantasy football activities while at work, and roughly 8% say they actually encourage office participation in fantasy football as part of a morale-boosting exercise.

This news brighten my day and allotted 2 hours to building an A-MAZING fantasy football team. My eyes are on Aaron Rodgers.

This TIME's article has it all wrong. I never gave up on the doughnut. It's a staple in my diet along with coffee & bacon. Dunkin' Donuts we salute you.

Source: TIME Magazine

This is a vicious repetitive cycle that often occurs at my desk.

Source: http://www.murraythenut.com

Q: What’s the best reason to date an American Apparel employee?

A: We’re clean and have symmetrical faces.

I've purchased countless overpriced t-shirts. It's about time I got laid. I appreciate AA employee Michelle's advice:

I've always wanted to have sex in a dressing room at a store. Any tips?

Go to a store where the dressing rooms have doors instead of curtains.

Read More: http://www.nerve.com/advice/2010/09/24/sex-advice-from-american-apparel-employees

A whole new meaning to "the daily grind."

I couldn't make this up if I tired: http://www.nerve.com/photo-features/best-of-craigslist-sex-before-work

Washingtonians if you're riding the yellow line look out.

Source: Nerve

Tips for independent artist-managers and manager-artists
by sim1ontharun

6. Stay organized. I've got a Three-a-Day Theory, which encourages independent consultants to schedule no more than three major meetings (or tasks to accomplish) per day. Of course, you can try to squeeze in multiple tasks, but holding yourself to just three things a day is refreshing. You'll want to continue your successes when you see that you can do what you set out to do. I recommend The Inspired Office for mid to large businesses, but there are many other individuals and businesses that can help you stay on task.

7. Know your city and the people in it. Join groups, find mentors and peers. Get involved. Form a collective, volunteer, or mentor youth. You never know what circles overlap, especially if you live in a small city like Washington, DC. Don't underestimate the power of a diverse network of people and professions. I have had the pleasure of organizing monthly Smart Chicks Brunches with Holly Bass and Carolyn Malachi for the last year or so in DC. In this short time, we've built a network of over 70 women of all ages and professions who want to support and inspire one another and the list keeps growing. This has been an invaluable space for my growth as an artist-manager and human being.

8. Make yourself heard. Write for a blog or community newspaper, join a board of directors, or learn how to use social networking to communicate with a larger group. Above all, don't be afraid to hype YOURSELF. On the Internets, readers respect a clear voice. Also, this might seem obvious, but try to keep business cards on you at all times, even if you're just running around doing errands. Independent artist-managers have to be "on" at all times, as our social networks are constantly overlapping on and offline.

9. Get uncomfortable: set goals, set benchmarks. Harness your fears into courage. Set seemingly unattainable goals, then meet them. It helps to share your goals with others. That way, people can ask you if you ever completed your novel about tribes in Burma or finally gotten rid of all but 20 of your possessions? I am stuck on the idea of threes--it just feels right in my experience. Evaluate the three most important things to you every six months. This has proven a useful strategy to me and the six-way artist-manager collective I co-founded called clutch. But, of course you can experiment with your own benchmarks. Just make sure to have some type of benchmarks, whatever they are for you.

10. Value personal and professional time equally. Don't overbook (remember: three-a-day). Gather strength from those who know and love you. Harness that energy and think of it all as part of one process leading you to accomplishments at your own pace. Don't segregate your personal and professional Selves. In the words of Tyler Durden in the film Fight Club, "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

*Bonus Tip: Take a day off! Studies all say that time off leads to increased productivity. It's difficult to press pause when you're your own boss, but do make it a priority to give yourself some down-time. Apart from yoga classes, I had a total of three full days off my first 60 days as an independent consultant. I can now share with you, three out of 60 is not enough! If I can't enjoy my life because I'm busy trying to enjoy my life, there's something wrong with that. I might as well work for someone who will give me paid time off!

We often think of our professional and personal goals as contradictory, but it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, that's what I've loved most about my journey towards becoming an independent businesswoman: I've finally allowed myself to value my personal and professional time equally and now cherish both more than ever.

The verdict: #funemploymentFTW

Tips for independent artist-managers and manager-artists
by sim1ontharun

Photo via Les

I've decided that the unofficial tagline for IHM9TO5 is: "I hate my job. I love my life." If that doesn't say it all, let's add to that, "Every day I think about quitting my job and starting my life." One of my favorite poets, Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai, once challenged her fans, "What would you do if you could take back your 40 hours a week?"

I made a list for myself, and ever since I've been an independent consultant, I keep looking back at it, asking myself, "Am I living up to my own desires for those 40 hours?" I definitely recommend doing this if you're planning on becoming your own boss.

If you're reading this article, I'm guessing you've got an entrepreneurial spirit that will no longer ignored. Don't ignore it. But, if you're ready to live the 'fun-employed life,' use these 10 tips to proceed with enthusiasm.

1. Know your capacity and clearly define roles and responsibilities with clients. When you are your own PR/Marketing Department, you've got to have the right words to describe what you do, state how much it costs, and weigh desirable work scenarios against how many clients you can reasonably serve. Don't overdo it! This will hurt your ability to take on new clients and burn you out faster than any other employer ever could.

2. Learn to say 'no,' but also state when a 'yes' is in the future. I learned this awesome and important tip from performing artist and manager extraordinaire, Holly Bass. For instance, you might tell a prospective client, "Thank you for thinking of me for this project/service. I apologize, but due to my current workload I am unable to take on your project at this time. Please keep me in mind for any projects after X date." Then, keep them on your radar (via your mailing list, social media outreach, etc.), and make sure to stay on theirs.

This is also applicable to philanthropic causes. Poets get asked to host and perform at events for little to no pay, visual artists get asked to do pro bono work for things like logos and design, and DJs get asked to play for free, just to name a few artist-manager dilemmas. Tell potential charities what your limits are (e.g., "I usually work with five charities annually, and my quota is filled for this year," or "I have limited resources and my annual philanthropy is reserved to X charity.") and train them to contact you earlier in the year. Also, be sure to explain in a polite way that you are a professional artist/manager and that this is what you do for a living.

3. Have an agenda and a purpose for all meetings. Don't just meet to meet. People value their time and will value yours more this way, too. You'll quickly learn that when you are your own boss, you will work harder than you ever worked for anyone else. To maximize your limited time and energy, try to meet less in person, but always with an explicit purpose. Having an agenda, no matter how simple and straightforward, is a huge help to keeping everyone on the same page and for following up later.

4. Follow-up. Always. Nuff said. You'd be surprised how many people don't follow-up and follow-through. If you're guilty of this, it's as though your meeting never happened. If you need help, ask for it. I have worked with two interns this year alone, and am eternally grateful for the fresh perspective and energy they bring to my emerging consulting business. Otherwise, take good notes and hold yourself accountable to following up after meetings and important agreements you want to clarify or emphasize.

5. Don't undervalue yourself and your services. Figure out what the market rate for what you do is, then begin your negotiations at a rate slightly higher than what you'd like to be paid. A wise man once told me, "If you aren't in a position to say no and walk away, then you aren't in a position to negotiate." We've all got to master the art of saying 'no,' especially we women, but be humble and say 'yes,' too. Especially in the beginning, when you're just starting to build your client roster. Know where you are in the negotiation--dominant or passive--and what you want out of it. Is it money, experience, or fun you're after?

This is part 1 of 10 Ways to Survive Fun-Employment -- Check out the site on Work Lessons Wednesdays for part 2. Written by:

sim1 writes poems. She is the founding co-director of Sulu DC, home to Asian and Pacific Islander American performing artists in Washington, DC. Her writing has appeared in Beltway Poetry Quarterly, and on multiple DMV blogs, including her current gig as a writer for The Couch Sessions. Her professional life includes performing and small projects management in the arts, spanning from nurturing independent artists to advising major arts institutions. She is a proud Burmese-American gypsy. Follow her @sim1ontharun

Dear Globot,

The person in the cubicle next to me goes to the gym daily at 1 p.m.; precisely an hour later he returns to his desk smelling like an onion farm. The stench makes it impossible to work.

Believe when I tell you, HE SMELLS HORRIBLE. I really don’t get it... our company gym has a shower. What should I do to eliminate the offense odor?

Silently Suffering

Aww, man that reeks! I had a co-worker with terrible halitosis; even an accidental slip of his gawd awful breathe was torture. His name was Jim and he was the uber-friendly office grandpa. He survived Vietnam. Who was I to tell him that he breathe stank. Now, you’re situation is a tad different. Anyone going to the gym in the middle of the office day should KNOW that it’s common courtesy to shower after you work out. Or at the very least spray yourself with AXE.

Telling someone bluntly that they smell is personal. It causes that person embarrassment and psychological disadvantage, and honestly it’s rude. Passing the problem to someone else is also not the way to go, because their handling of the situation could be equally heavy handed.

Now, the question is would you rather be confrontational or covert?

Here are 3 ways to deal with your smelly neighbor:

• Option #1: Walk over to his cubicle (soap in hand) and say “I would appreciate if you took a shower after you use the gym. Often when you return there is an odor.

• Option #2: Leave an anonymous note in his cubicle (don’t forget the soap). Placing a bar of soap on their desk may be considered insulting…but your options are limited.

• Option #3: Consider getting senior management involved to address office etiquette. At this point it’s an health issue and fucking distraction.

Seriously, all your options suck – you either being a tattletale, insult your colleague or continue gagging from the disgusting stench. Stop suffering and simply tell him the truth.

Now get back to Work,

Globot

Just read a great article about how to make your job healthier and wanted to share. Here are few healthy tips:

1. Stop eating at your desk (I’m guilty of devouring Chiptole at my desk while conducting a conference call and checking emails. At this rate my healthy days are numbered.)
2. Add plants to your area.
3. Improve your posture.
4. Find a way to reduce work pressure.
5. Reduce overtime as much as possible (shocking, I know)

Read the rest at usnews.com. Now, get back to work...

My work attire consists of grey cardigans, floral blouses and the occasional knee length skirt. On casual Fridays I like to be adventurous and wear jeans paired with an original (yet conservative) Urban Outfitters t-shirt.

No one will ever claim my clothing is risqué...being “too hot” is not option at my 9 to 5. But apparently there are sexy victims in the workplace. Pencil skirts are halting productivity and male employers have no choice but to fire the trolling sexy women….YES, FIRE THEM.

Sultry banker Debbie Lorenzana is the latest victim of workplace (dress code) sexism. Citibank claims she was fired due to poor work performance, however Lorenzana says her superiors repeatedly noted they “couldn’t concentrate” in her presence. Lorenzana’s appearance was a pretty hot and tempting office distraction. The 33-year-old single mom, was ordered to stop wearing turtlenecks, pencil skirts, three-inch heels, or fitted business suits. Apparently every item in her closet caused mayhem. And understandably so…the woman is stunning!

The Village Voice describes her as “J.Lo curves meets Jessica Simpson rack meets Audrey Hepburn elegance—a head-turning beauty.” I’m sure she could wear overalls and be breathtaking.

She’s now suing her former workplace, alleging that her bosses told her that “as a result of the shape of her figure, [her] clothes were purportedly ‘too distracting’ for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear.”

I’m rooting for Lorenzana and her sexy attire. Ogling men in suits should not prevail.  If she dressed appropriately and her work performance was satisfactory she should still be a banker. No turtlenecks or pencil skirts about it.

Signed,

Globot

p.s. And those who object the sex kitten photos on the Village Voice -- I understand but don't care. Look through the whole slideshow and the examples of work clothes. I'm positive she wasn't prancing around the office in lingerie. Companies shouldn't restore to firing people because of their real (or imagined) sexual allure.

Dear Globot,

My 9to5 has me living paycheck to paycheck. Any suggestions on how to gain some extra income?

I Need More $$$

It’s not a secret that job security is a thing of the past. You have to become resourceful in this economy. That’s means making extra moo-la. Moonlighting as a hooker may provide the supplemental income you desperately need (think Pretty Woman). If you don’t want to risk being arrested, another viable option is “figure modeling”.  I recently stood for 2 hours while art students attempted to draw my areolas. The point is, you must become creative in your approach…it’s the perfect time to pursue a “side hustle” to earn extra income.

Here are a few tips on how to begin your part-time pursuits:

1.)    Take a stab at something new. After working eight hours at the office, the last thing you want to do is something you hate. If you love photography try your hand at freelancing projects or perhaps you have a special flair for party planning. Actively pursue interests you haven’t done before. You may land a new career.

2.)    Network, network, network. Set up a blog. Join LinkedIn groups that spark your interest. Use Twitter to get your work out there. Create a profile with freelance job boards like Guru.com or Elance.com. All awesome ways to promote yourself.

3.)    Drink a lot of coffee? Becoming a barista could earn you some extra cash. Same thing goes for bartending at your favorite watering hole. It doesn’t have to be complicated.  Finding work you enjoy is key to becoming a part-timer. Getting free coffee or beer are added perks.

Now, go forth and stack some extra paper.

Globot

Lately, I’m attempting to get more creative with my “I can’t make it in today” work excuses.  Here are my top #5:

1. JAIL: Nothing can beat imprisonment. Especially, when it’s related to public nudity or urinating next to a police officer. (sidebar: this may lead to losing your job which may lead to unemployment. Ca-ching!)

2. Running out of Antidepressants: Depression is a serious issue…sort of. (you’ve seen the infomercials)  Running out of Prozac or Zoloft can lead to a postal moment which is perfectly acceptable for calling out…5-10 times in a row.

3. Locked in the garage: Car accidents are so passé. Locking yourself in your garage is the latest way to avoid the office. Don’t like that one, try someone stole your tires.

4. Alcoholism: Are you a drunk? Guess whhhhhatttttt !? They can’t fire you (no, no it’s true. I googled it, alcoholism is apparently a “disease”.)  I’m starting to drink 4 martini’s a day. It’s part of my illness.

5. Get a Disease: Forget the common cold. Swine flu is the new sick day.

Tomorrow I plan to catch f#%king amnesia…I’m forgetful it could happen.

Signed,

Employee of the Month

I took on two jobs at the same place as a contractor putting damn near 12 hour days in.

I didn't even get into the department I was working so hard to being a part of...I'm not sure if it was because of my skin. Or because I was not part of the good ol' boys club. Or because I was not that much an ass kisser.

Anyways, I eventually got a job offer from my first boss. He took a liking to my ethic and had the rest of the team that I had to work with show me the ropes. The hours sucked but at least my boss was insightful.

Time goes on for about a year or two and then one day.....my company wants to merger with another company in the same field. I was plotting to get into the department of my choice but couldn't.

Why? Because it wasn't actually a merger.

The other company was buying out our company and people that department were getting laid off. So I decided to stay low-key until things blew over to make my move. Next thing I know, more people got laid off then my department got merged with another department.

And yes, it was for a damn job position I'd never heard of and did not have experience in. Didn't get to talk to HR. My boss at the time and one of my team members did and apparently the group that taking us in pulled a slick move and didn't allow us to have a say in what this job entailed.

I meet my new boss and new team member thinking that these guys are ok. I try to learn all this new bullshit they teach us. Turns out this job is my worst nightmare. There's nothing like have a pencil-neck, douchebag, dickehead of a boss threaten your job for 9 to 10 months stressing you out. I literally was getting sick and I had visions of knocking his teeth in.

I wasn't the only one. My old team members that came over with me felt the same way. I think we all made a pact that if he decided to come back as a contractor, we'd all quit at the same time. LOL.

So, eventually, at the end of last year he quits. Job still sucks but it got a little better. Our new boss is great and we feel sorry for her because of the position they put her in. And she is truly a great asset to the company and has been helpful to us. The problem that sets in is that now all of these departments keep trying to bombard us with their workload because dickhead is no longer there (which was the only thing he was good at).

Currently, I can say that I'm still not happy. I'm in a workplace that is close to my passion but yet the position I want, they keep not allowing me to have. I'll just wait around until I get another job or they let me go. Either way, I hate my 9 to 5.

Globot,

My co-workers always ask me to lunch and I always decline. Honestly, I prefer working during my lunch break and leaving early. Is not participating in work lunches bad for office morale? Do they hate me?

Lonely & Lunchless

Dear Lonely & Lunchless,

Sometimes I skip lunch at work.  In my mind I’m saving pennies and maintaining my slim figure.  Instead I’m empowering my boss to enslave me during my lunch hour. I’m also starving myself slowly.

That being said, EAT SOMETHING – whether it’s at your desk or with your co-workers.

Your colleagues are searching for camaraderie in the work place. You spend more time at work – (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) than at home. “What did you do?” over the weekend conversation brings the office together... so does the lunchtime ritual.

You've also created this illusion -- we’ll call it the mysterious anti-lunch co-worker.

Since you don't eat with them you could be hiding a secret identity

or you're really a serial killer.

NO ONE KNOWS!

By declining their lunch invites you're depriving them of these small yet important details! Ease their fears and do lunch bi-weekly. Or simply engage in some water cooler chit chat or grab coffee in the morning. Those small interactions will make a huge difference.

In conclusion, no one hates you.  They want to be your friends.  Go ahead and schedule lunch date. You may even enjoy it.

Now get back to work...

Globot

We all love Jim & Pam on “The Office”.  I cried during their season finale wedding. Together they’re like peas and carrots. I love their “love”.  Now, at my job I have a real life “Jim & Pam” and it’s not so cute to watch. Actually, it’s disgusting.  I want their love to die immediately.

There are unspoken rules to the office romance that people fail to adhere to. For instance, making out in copy rooms and obvious winking at staff meetings is inappropriate. If you decide to move forward with shacking up with upper management or falling in love with your cubicle mate there is a proper way to conduct an office romance.  Consider these 5 practical “sleeping with the boss” etiquette tips:

1.)    Avoid flaunting your love in public space. Mail rooms, company kitchens, copy rooms, anywhere a co-worker may walk over to take a stapler or reach for a muffin is off limits.

2.)    Behave professionally. This means no grabbing ass while getting your morning coffee. This also includes calling your secret lover “pussyfoot” on conference calls.

3.)    Leave the naughty emails to a minimum. Messages will return to haunt you or end up in the company newsletter.

4.)    Consider the backlash if doesn’t work out…signs that read “lousy lay ” in your cubicle or threats of sexual harassment suits are imminent .

5.)    Consider if does work out…you’ll always talk about work. Always.

In conclusion, unsuccessful office romances can lead to awkward moments and bad publicity. Just think, this could be you:

Monica Lewinsky & Bill Clinton

Marion Barry and ____________ (fill in the blank)

Sen. John Edward & Rielle Hunter

Now get back to work...

Globot