1,001 Excuses to skip work…ok ok TOP #5
19. May, 2010 
1 Comment
Lately, I’m attempting to get more creative with my “I can’t make it in today” work excuses. Here are my top #5:
1. JAIL: Nothing can beat imprisonment. Especially, when it’s related to public nudity or urinating next to a police officer. (sidebar: this may lead to losing your job which may lead to unemployment. Ca-ching!)
2. Running out of Antidepressants: Depression is a serious issue…sort of. (you’ve seen the infomercials) Running out of Prozac or Zoloft can lead to a postal moment which is perfectly acceptable for calling out…5-10 times in a row.
3. Locked in the garage: Car accidents are so passé. Locking yourself in your garage is the latest way to avoid the office. Don’t like that one, try someone stole your tires.
4. Alcoholism: Are you a drunk? Guess whhhhhatttttt !? They can’t fire you (no, no it’s true. I googled it, alcoholism is apparently a “disease”.) I’m starting to drink 4 martini’s a day. It’s part of my illness.
5. Get a Disease: Forget the common cold. Swine flu is the new sick day.
Tomorrow I plan to catch f#%king amnesia…I’m forgetful it could happen.
Signed,
Employee of the Month
I like the first one (because I’ve lived it. The police came to my apartment complex’s workout room while I was listening to my iPod and stretching and made me miss my workout to arrest me and detain me in jail for a suspended license and failure to appear in court charge that was a year old. Thank God it was on a day I was off from work (Wednesday), and that my prior job was understanding of the day I missed, AND since I was off on Weds and Thursday. They held me for 3 days until my mom could put her house up to get me out and schedule a court date to allow me to plead my case. Needless to say once I paid the outstanding ticket, they dismissed the case. So be very very careful using JAIL as an excuse unless you’ve got a job that doesn’t check your credentials.