Work Lesson #64:
You don’t need experience if you’ve got attitude. This is a blatant lie. Do not be fooled.
You don’t need experience if you’ve got attitude. This is a blatant lie. Do not be fooled.
Dear Globot,
My 9to5 has me living paycheck to paycheck. Any suggestions on how to gain some extra income?
I Need More $$$
It’s not a secret that job security is a thing of the past. You have to become resourceful in this economy. That’s means making extra moo-la. Moonlighting as a hooker may provide the supplemental income you desperately need (think Pretty Woman). If you don’t want to risk being arrested, another viable option is “figure modeling”. I recently stood for 2 hours while art students attempted to draw my areolas. The point is, you must become creative in your approach…it’s the perfect time to pursue a “side hustle” to earn extra income.
Here are a few tips on how to begin your part-time pursuits:
1.) Take a stab at something new. After working eight hours at the office, the last thing you want to do is something you hate. If you love photography try your hand at freelancing projects or perhaps you have a special flair for party planning. Actively pursue interests you haven’t done before. You may land a new career.
2.) Network, network, network. Set up a blog. Join LinkedIn groups that spark your interest. Use Twitter to get your work out there. Create a profile with freelance job boards like Guru.com or Elance.com. All awesome ways to promote yourself.
3.) Drink a lot of coffee? Becoming a barista could earn you some extra cash. Same thing goes for bartending at your favorite watering hole. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Finding work you enjoy is key to becoming a part-timer. Getting free coffee or beer are added perks.
Now, go forth and stack some extra paper.
Globot
Lately, I’m attempting to get more creative with my “I can’t make it in today” work excuses. Here are my top #5:
1. JAIL: Nothing can beat imprisonment. Especially, when it’s related to public nudity or urinating next to a police officer. (sidebar: this may lead to losing your job which may lead to unemployment. Ca-ching!)
2. Running out of Antidepressants: Depression is a serious issue…sort of. (you’ve seen the infomercials) Running out of Prozac or Zoloft can lead to a postal moment which is perfectly acceptable for calling out…5-10 times in a row.
3. Locked in the garage: Car accidents are so passé. Locking yourself in your garage is the latest way to avoid the office. Don’t like that one, try someone stole your tires.
4. Alcoholism: Are you a drunk? Guess whhhhhatttttt !? They can’t fire you (no, no it’s true. I googled it, alcoholism is apparently a “disease”.) I’m starting to drink 4 martini’s a day. It’s part of my illness.
5. Get a Disease: Forget the common cold. Swine flu is the new sick day.
Tomorrow I plan to catch f#%king amnesia…I’m forgetful it could happen.
Signed,
Employee of the Month
There is no reason why co-workers must repeatedly ask “How are you?” in a single day. Nothing has changed in 15 minutes. I went to the bathroom.
Monday and Friday invoke obligatory emotions. Monday is misery. Friday is freedom.
If you are not happy with your work, you are a slave to it.
I worked in the same place for several years now. I worked my way up from being a contractor to an actual employee. I got the job when I demonstrated my dedication to the company and my ability to hard work.
I took on two jobs at the same place as a contractor putting damn near 12 hour days in.
I didn't even get into the department I was working so hard to being a part of...I'm not sure if it was because of my skin. Or because I was not part of the good ol' boys club. Or because I was not that much an ass kisser.
Anyways, I eventually got a job offer from my first boss. He took a liking to my ethic and had the rest of the team that I had to work with show me the ropes. The hours sucked but at least my boss was insightful.
Time goes on for about a year or two and then one day.....my company wants to merger with another company in the same field. I was plotting to get into the department of my choice but couldn't.
Why? Because it wasn't actually a merger.
The other company was buying out our company and people that department were getting laid off. So I decided to stay low-key until things blew over to make my move. Next thing I know, more people got laid off then my department got merged with another department.
And yes, it was for a damn job position I'd never heard of and did not have experience in. Didn't get to talk to HR. My boss at the time and one of my team members did and apparently the group that taking us in pulled a slick move and didn't allow us to have a say in what this job entailed.
I meet my new boss and new team member thinking that these guys are ok. I try to learn all this new bullshit they teach us. Turns out this job is my worst nightmare. There's nothing like have a pencil-neck, douchebag, dickehead of a boss threaten your job for 9 to 10 months stressing you out. I literally was getting sick and I had visions of knocking his teeth in.
I wasn't the only one. My old team members that came over with me felt the same way. I think we all made a pact that if he decided to come back as a contractor, we'd all quit at the same time. LOL.
So, eventually, at the end of last year he quits. Job still sucks but it got a little better. Our new boss is great and we feel sorry for her because of the position they put her in. And she is truly a great asset to the company and has been helpful to us. The problem that sets in is that now all of these departments keep trying to bombard us with their workload because dickhead is no longer there (which was the only thing he was good at).
Currently, I can say that I'm still not happy. I'm in a workplace that is close to my passion but yet the position I want, they keep not allowing me to have. I'll just wait around until I get another job or they let me go. Either way, I hate my 9 to 5.
Jake and Reg were two work friends who had it all. But one day, life at Systems Frontiers got complicated... and everything changed forever. What would youdo... if you lost your buddy?
Winner of the 2005 48 Hour Film Project in DC.
Globot,
My co-workers always ask me to lunch and I always decline. Honestly, I prefer working during my lunch break and leaving early. Is not participating in work lunches bad for office morale? Do they hate me?
Lonely & Lunchless
Dear Lonely & Lunchless,
Sometimes I skip lunch at work. In my mind I’m saving pennies and maintaining my slim figure. Instead I’m empowering my boss to enslave me during my lunch hour. I’m also starving myself slowly.
That being said, EAT SOMETHING – whether it’s at your desk or with your co-workers.
Your colleagues are searching for camaraderie in the work place. You spend more time at work – (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) than at home. “What did you do?” over the weekend conversation brings the office together... so does the lunchtime ritual.
You've also created this illusion -- we’ll call it the mysterious anti-lunch co-worker.
Since you don't eat with them you could be hiding a secret identity
or you're really a serial killer.
NO ONE KNOWS!
By declining their lunch invites you're depriving them of these small yet important details! Ease their fears and do lunch bi-weekly. Or simply engage in some water cooler chit chat or grab coffee in the morning. Those small interactions will make a huge difference.
In conclusion, no one hates you. They want to be your friends. Go ahead and schedule lunch date. You may even enjoy it.
Now get back to work...
Globot
You and your boss are NOT friends. Completing the powerpoint presentation is not a "favor". Stop buying her lunch too.
We all love Jim & Pam on “The Office”. I cried during their season finale wedding. Together they’re like peas and carrots. I love their “love”. Now, at my job I have a real life “Jim & Pam” and it’s not so cute to watch. Actually, it’s disgusting. I want their love to die immediately.
There are unspoken rules to the office romance that people fail to adhere to. For instance, making out in copy rooms and obvious winking at staff meetings is inappropriate. If you decide to move forward with shacking up with upper management or falling in love with your cubicle mate there is a proper way to conduct an office romance. Consider these 5 practical “sleeping with the boss” etiquette tips:
1.) Avoid flaunting your love in public space. Mail rooms, company kitchens, copy rooms, anywhere a co-worker may walk over to take a stapler or reach for a muffin is off limits.
2.) Behave professionally. This means no grabbing ass while getting your morning coffee. This also includes calling your secret lover “pussyfoot” on conference calls.
3.) Leave the naughty emails to a minimum. Messages will return to haunt you or end up in the company newsletter.
4.) Consider the backlash if doesn’t work out…signs that read “lousy lay ” in your cubicle or threats of sexual harassment suits are imminent .
5.) Consider if does work out…you’ll always talk about work. Always.
In conclusion, unsuccessful office romances can lead to awkward moments and bad publicity. Just think, this could be you:
Monica Lewinsky & Bill Clinton
Marion Barry and ____________ (fill in the blank)
Sen. John Edward & Rielle Hunter
Now get back to work...
Globot
There is NO such thing as a "cheery" morning. Most mornings are sad...right until you have your 1st sip of coffee.
The secret of success: Get a job. Get a better job. Get an even better job. Repeat if necessary.
Coming to work late and leaving early is a bad habit. Not showing up at all is a even bigger issue.
The five-second rule does not apply in the company kitchen. Drinking from the carton doesn’t fly either…
Stealing toilet paper from the office is desperate…stealing social security numbers is a felony.
Dear Globot,
I work for a small ad agency and I’m the youngest person in the office. EVERYONE finds it hilarious to point out my age at the most inappropriate times. Like when I’m giving a presentation or meeting new clients. It’s always “This is our kid genius” or “here comes the baby of the group”. Initially it was endearing but 6 months later it’s annoying. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers because it’s a small office but I’m over it. How do I politely tell them to stop it?
Being the littlest tike in the office can get old pretty quickly. I’m leaning on 30 and I still hear “Are you the intern?” comments. It’s unbelievably annoying.
I’m sure someone has called you ma’am since you've graduated college. Therefore you deserve adult-like respect. That being said, it’s time to assert yourself buttercup.
The next time someone at work makes a cute little compliment; politely say “I would prefer you call me by my name instead of kid genius. Thank you!” Say it quickly, like you mean it and move on to the next powerpoint slide.
Trust me, they’re going to have a joke or two. And they may not take you seriously right away. Despite their various reactions respond politely, wear a smile and remain firm in your approach. Your body language should stay I respect you, enjoy working at this agency but I’m your peer not your kid sister. Eventually, they’ll get it. You just continue to be professional in your behavior.
In conclusion, avoid whining; sucking your thumb or childlike fits and you’ll earn their respect.
Now get back to work...
Globot
Cubicles are inhumane. Let your workers free on Friday.
Powerpoint Karaoke is going to be a slideshow RAGER -- imagine (hilarious) improvised powerpoints and lots of beer. HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS & PRIZES.
Date: Thursday, May 13th
Time: After Work -- 6:30 - 8:30 p.m.
Address: Wonderland Ballroom
1101 Kenyon Street (Columbia Heights)
Calling your co-worker a “boozed up gypsy” is not the proper way to address her alcoholism. Neither is inviting her to happy hour.
I was battling demons is not an appropriate response to “How was your day at work?”
Reading the newspaper at work is stealing company time. Stop. It. Now.
A 401(k) is not a race…and an IRA is not a gang in Portland. Stop watching Gangland.