I Hate My 9 to 5

Dear Globot,

I’m having a secret romantic relationship with a colleague. It’s going on 3 months and I’m ready to come out of the office closet.

It’s 2010 and I consider the rules of dating at the workplace old fashion. Am I being naïve or should I move forward with going public?

Longing For Public Love

Dear Public Love,

I’m on the fence with this one. I’ve secretly longed to have a work romance with a Brad Pitt like co-worker. I envision sex on copy machines and dirty emails filled with meet me in the 3^rd floor conference room. Unfortunately, no such luck. A majority of my associates are incredibly unattractive or married.

On the flip side I pride myself for being a professional and office trysts can come across…well, for lack of a better word TACKY.

Going public may introduce unwarranted attention to your relationship or depending on the hierarchy of your positions there may be the illusion of favoritism (i.e. Are you fucking your boss?)

Let’s assume you are fucking the boss. Then going public is an ethical no-no.  2010 or not, most work environments have strict policies regarding office romances.  Check your HR manual before sending an email blast on your love affair.

Since I have no personal experience I’ve enlisted the advice of friends who have been involved in on-the-job love affairs. Read their insightful comments:

Before you start lusting over your boss review the pros and cons of a possible relationship. Nameless friend #1 insisted that you must be realistic about the outcome of the relationship. If you wake up hating the person one day can you still go to work and behave like a functioning adult? Crying in your cubicle is unacceptable…neither is calling your ex a whore during a conference call.

Avoid sleeping with the boss, supervisor or anyone with authority over you. It will be a PROBLEM. Nameless friend number #2 says “I had to quit working at Starbucks because my supervisor starting scheduling every shift together. It quickly went from random hook-up to stalker. When I asked for space he started to not schedule me at all.”

Rivalry can be a real culprit in office romances.  Nameless friend #3 found the office romance had become overly competitive. “Everything was an unspoken rivalry in the bedroom and the board room. I wanted to do everything better than him. It was unhealthy.”

Sex in the office can be highly addictive. Nameless friend #4 found himself addicted to the lunch time hookups and admitted that he enjoyed the suspenseful trysts more than the actual person. Eventually the pair was caught and immediately dismissed.  The relationship (obviously) ended too.

Nameless friend # 5 says she fell in love and after 6 months voluntarily quit her job for her beau. Her advice is "keep it classy".

In conclusion, you will not become Jim & Pam from The Office. Don’t kid yourself. Eventually one of you will lose your job or quit or you’ll break-up or you’ll get married or you’ll get caught in the conference room. SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. Whatever happens, be realistic with your expectations, lock doors and always maintain a strictly professional demeanor on the J-O-B.

Now get back to work...

Globot