My name is…
21. Jan, 2010 
1 Comment
I’ve worked at my office for 4 years. My name is Kristen. My boss calls me Kelly.
Archive | January, 2010
She’s a Cancer
14. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
My boss is a bitch. Despite this I was sadden to learn she was going to die. One day in the elevator I overheard two employees say she was “changeable and moody because of her cancer”. I decided to stupidly ask about her current health status and offer my condolences. After a confusing conversation and me re-hashing the elevator incident I realized my boss is not dying. Her zodiac sign is cancer.
Anus Mediation
14. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
When I’m stressed out at work I whisper “it is what it is” to calm myself down. It’s like self-mediation. I guess I whisper loudly because my co-worker asked why I’m constantly muttering the word anus in my cubicle.
Biggest Loser
14. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
My office recently started a weight-loss challenge to encourage healthy living habits. I got really into it and started drinking protein shakes at lunch and emailing my work colleagues exercise routines. Today I was accidently cc:ed on an email that said I was “a fitness douchebag and should go on biggest loser already”.
The Unemployed
14. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
I’ve been trying to get fired and live in the sweet land of unemployment for the last year. Last week I learned our operating budget was being cut in half and my dream was close to fruition. But then suddenly my boss resigned. Her resignation secured my employment.
Tuna Printer
12. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
For 3 weeks my office smelled like fish. My co-workers thought something died in my office. Apparently something did. A rat after eating my 3 week old tuna sandwich that fell behind my printer.
Suck it
12. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
Today I muttered “suck it” under my breath to my boss. She heard me and replied “the only that sucks around here is you”.
Die Hard
06. Jan, 2010 0 Comments
After every strategy meeting my co-worker will slap me on the back and say “Listen, you fail I cover your ass. I fail you cover my ass! And if we both fail? Then we're both fucked!” He finds this comment hilarious. I didn’t get the reference until I was telling my dad about it. My dad recognized it immediately replying; “the moron is quoting Die Hard: With a Vengeance dear. You should start looking for a new job.”
Pork Rinds
06. Jan, 2010 1 Comment
I swear 95% of my co-workers are vegetarian. Our cafeteria is filled with granola & salads. Once a month we have "brown bag" meetings. To piss off my vegan boss I bring bar-b-que ribs or pork rinds for lunch.
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